Kispasse

Monday, May 30, 2005

Gueule de bois

NON ! Les Français ont tranché, bye-bye chère Constitution européenne. La France pleut et l'Europe pleure ce matin. Les syndicats européens et tous les partis socialistes étaient pour, les Français l'ont trouvée trop libérale. Le problème de l'Europe, c'est qu'on n'est pas tout seul. Super Menteur va devoir renégocier avec Blair, Berlusconi et d'autres Européens pour qui social rime avec mal. Mais les Français ne sont pas très branchés sur les compromis. Et puis, un non, si ça gagne pas, ça débarasse ! Et ça soulage. Raffarin va pouvoir pointer à l'ANPE. Lui qui voulait réduire le chômage de 10% cette année, c'est mal parti ! Je ne crois pas à une éventuelle renégociation, même si je ne demande qu'à me tromper. Vive la France... et meure l'Europe !
Deuxième référendum de ma vie civique, deuxième défaite. Je suis un loser électoral. Quand je vote non au quinquennat, la France dit oui. Quand je crie oui à l'Europe, les Français rejettent massivement la Constitution. La prochaine fois, si vous voulez connaître le résultat à l'avance, inutile de regarder les sondages... Demandez-moi plutôt ce que je vote. Mais ne comptez pas sur moi pour assumer pleinement la responsabilité de cet échec et en tirer les conclusions en me retirant de la vie référendaire. J'ai pas envie de finir sur l'île de Ré, moi.

GUENNEUGUES KISPASSE VS JACK LANG
C'est l'occasion de vous raconter quelques Guenneugues kispasse. Vendredi, je suis allé au grand meeting pour le oui socialiste au Zénith de Lille. Que du beau monde : José Luis Zapatero, François Hollande, Martine Aubry, Jack Lang et Pierre Mauroy. L'après-midi sur la Grand'Place, je croise Jack Lang avec Sandrine, une grande amie (je dis ça parce qu'elle va le lire). Il parlait en Anglais à un ami qu'il devait retrouver dans un bar. Je lui ai dit : "Salut Jack... Je compte sur toi pour voter oui dimanche !" Ce à quoi il a répondu : "C'est surtout moi qui compte sur toi !" Après je lui ai demandé s'il comptait se présenter à des élections anglaises. Grand scoop (une exclusivité Guenneugues kispasse), il m'a dit : "Oh oui ! J'adorerai me présenter dans un autre pays européen !" Vu (ou plutôt entendu) son accent, c'est pas gagné. Bref, Sandrine lui a gentiment indiqué où se situait le bar qu'il cherchait et on s'est donné rendez-vous le soir pour le meeting.


GUENNEUGUES KISPASSE VS OLIVIER MAZEROLLES
Au meeting justement, j'ai vu Olivier Mazerolles. Je resitue (pour les rares lecteurs qui ne sont pas à l'ESJ) : c'est l'ancien directeur de l'information de France 2. Il s'est fait lourder l'année dernière après que Pujadas a annoncé le retrait d'Alain Juppé de la vie politique et que les journalistes de France 2 ont voté une motion de défiance contre lui. Bref, on peut lui attribuer sans hésitation la palme d'or de la bourde journalistique 2004. Il continue de présenter "100 minutes pour convaincre". Moi, je l'aime bien, mais beaucoup le trouvent perfide et insupportable. Bref, je suis allé le voir à la fin du meeting et on a discuté ensemble. Il est vraiment sympa. Il a accepté de me dire qu'il voterait oui à la Constitution car il appartient à "une génération qui comprend les bienfaits de l'Union pour la paix en Europe". C'était mon deuxième scoop Guenneugues kispasse. A un moment, je lui ai dit : "La dernière fois que j'étais là, c'était pour la Star'Ac, c'était pas trop la même ambiance !" Pour un compte-rendu exceptionnel de ce concert réalisé par le grand spécialiste musique de l'ESJ Vincent et par moi-même, je ne saurais trop vous conseiller de vous rendre sur le site www.lilleonline.net. Puis Alexis, un autre ami de l'ESJ, m'a pris en photo avec Mazerolles qui a accepté de me faire une dédicace dont voici le texte intégral : "Tous mes encouragements à Laurent, pour sa réussite dans notre beau métier ; quand on sait le respecter, il est magnifique. Bien amicalement, Olivier Mazerolles." Merci du conseil, Olivier !


GUENNEUGUES KISPASSE VS PIERRE MAUROY
Au meeting, il y avait aussi Pierre Mauroy, l'ancien Premier ministre socialiste de 1981 à 1984. Celui sous qui la peine de mort a été abolie (merci Robert !) Je n'ai pas pu lui parler après le meeting. C'est dommage, nous avions eu un bon premier contact... La scène se passe il y a deux semaines environ, à un autre meeting pour le oui socialiste avec Bertrand Delanoë. Après avoir lamentablement échoué à faire un premier Guenneugues Kispasse (Delanoë est passé à quelques centimètres de moi sans que j'ose lui glisser un petit "Vive Londres 2012 !"), je me suis bien rattrapé sur le père Mauroy. Je lui ai sorti : "Merci Pierre Mauroy. J'ai attendu pour naître que vous ayez aboli la peine de mort !" A propos, une petite contrepétrie affichée sur les murs de l'ESJ pour les fans du genre : "Le voeu pieux du Pierre Mauroy flotte sur l'écriteau." Interdite aux moins de 16 ans.


GUENNEUGUES KISPASSE VS OLIVIER BESANCENOT
Dernier Guenneugues Kispasse dans cette belle campagne : ma rencontre avec Olivier Besancenot. C'était un meeting pour le non, avec 99,9% de la salle (300 personnes) acquis à la cause du non. En fait, je devais être le seul partisan du oui. Certains trucs m'ont tellement énervé que j'ai pris la parole après le speech du facteur le plus connu de France. Je suis revenu sur certaines contre-vérités qu'il avait données concernant les services-publics, l'OTAN et l'économie sociale de marché. Puis j'ai ajouté : "Le problème du non à mon avis, c'est que c'est Super Menteur qui sera chargé de renégocier. Et puis, si on reste bloqué au traité de Nice, vous aurez tout ce que vous n'aimez pas dans cette Constitution, à savoir l'économie de marché hautement compétitive, la concurrence libre et non faussée, mais vous n'aurez ni le développement durable, ni le plein emploi, ni le progrès social, ni l'égalité hommes-femmes, ni le droit de pétition, etc etc..." Sur ce, quelques petits sifflets commencent à s'élever. Je conclus donc en disant : "Avant de me faire définitivement huer par toute la salle, je voudrais ajouter que l'on a à peu près la même vision du monde, mais que l'on fait juste un calcul différent sur cette Constitution." Finalement, je n'ai pas été sifflé et Olivier Besancenot a cherché à me convaincre, moi son "camarade" qu'il tutoyait comme si on avait gardé les vaches ensemble. Mais c'est vrai que c'est un très bon orateur. David et Damien (qui adore se déguiser en Rambo), deux amis de l'ESJ, étaient sous le charme. Reste qu'il veut faire la révolution, je crois plus en la réforme. Reste que ses amis ont toujours voté non à tous les traités européens, ce n'est sans doute pas le meilleur moyen pour faire l'Europe.

104 Comments:

  • At 6:57 AM, Blogger Vincent said…

    Dommage que t'es pas fait ton numéro avec Delanoë. Ca aurait été bien énorme...

     
  • At 7:09 AM, Anonymous Un cher confrère said…

    " Les syndicats européens (...) étaient pour"... Ah bon ? Pas ceux des Sections syndicales CGT du Groupe Express-Expansion ni de la Section syndicale CGT (majorité) du groupe L’Etudiant en tout cas :
    http://www.acrimed.org/article2037.html
    Cher Guenneugues, ce scoop kispasse pas:
    http://www.acrimed.org/article2036.html

     
  • At 8:26 AM, Blogger Kispasse said…

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

     
  • At 8:28 AM, Blogger Kispasse said…

    C'est vrai, je corrige. Lors du vote de la Confédération européenne des syndicats le 14 octobre, seuls 90% ont voté pour. Là encore, les Français se sont distingués avec seulement deux voix pour (la CFDT et l'UNSA), une abstention (la CGT qui n'avait pas encore pris position) et un vote contre (FO). Force Ouvrière était alors le seul syndicat européen qui appelait à voter non, avant d'être rejoint par la CGT. Mais là encore, les Français ne voient que les Français... Amicalement, cher confrère

     
  • At 9:53 AM, Anonymous Serge July said…

    Bravo, jeune homme. La France peut être fière de vous.

    A bientôt, j'espère, mon journal vous accueillera à bras ouverts.

     
  • At 9:53 AM, Anonymous Tony du 62 said…

    Cher monsieur,
    je suis tombé sur votre blog suite à l'annonce d'un nouveau blog crée sur blogger.com
    ne refaites pas sur le web la consultation populaire que vous avez perdu dans les urnes, respectez le verdict du peuple souverain. N'accablez pas le peuple de France, il a du génie, et en Europe rien ne s'est jamais fait sans lui.

     
  • At 9:54 AM, Anonymous Olivier Besancenot said…

    T'as pas interêt à revenir à un de nos meetings, notre service d'ordre va te détruire, suppôt de l'ordre capitaliste.

     
  • At 9:55 AM, Anonymous Julien Dray said…

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  • At 9:56 AM, Anonymous Jean mi said…

    Bonjour,
    vos arguments crypto historiques ne tiennent pas la route: en 1954, la France refuse la CED, les chiens se mettent alors à hurler avec la meute pour nous annoncer la mort de l'Europe. Bilan: 3 ans plus tard on signe le traité de rome.
    Quand de Gaulle s'insurge contre l'entrée de l'angleterre, on pousse les mêmes baillées: bilan l'europe est toujours là.
    les leçons de l'Histoire ne tarderont pas à vous donner tort

     
  • At 9:58 AM, Anonymous Charly said…

    Cher ami, respecte le vote démocratique. Les français se sont prononcé, maintenant il est temps cher ami de passer à autre chose, tu avais toute la campagne pour t'exprimer, pourquoi ne l'as tu pas fait à ce moment là?

     
  • At 9:59 AM, Anonymous Red faction said…

    D'accord avec toi Charly,y'en a que la démocratie arrange quand ils gagnent. Dans les autres cas, c'est plus compliqué
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    T'as un pseudo msn, on pourrait chatter? tu peux m'envoyer une photo?

     
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    Moi je me suis abstenue.

     
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  • At 2:10 AM, Anonymous Administrateur Blogger.com said…

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  • At 2:14 AM, Anonymous Louis said…

    Bonjour, je suis tombé sur votre blog grâce à une de mes connaissances qui m'en a parlé.
    Vous m'avez l'air d'un militant acharné de l'abaissement de la France.
    N'écoutez pas ceux qui vous disent que la France ne vaut plus rien, qu'elle ne compte plus en Europe. Rien ne s'est jamais fait et ne se fera jamais en Europe sans la France. Ceux qui vous disent le contraire ne veulent que nous aligner sur les standards sociaux minimes, sous le couvert discret du "regardez ailleurs"

     
  • At 3:59 AM, Anonymous Jack Lang said…

    Vous avez le numéro de téléphone de votre "grande amie", Sandrine ?

     
  • At 4:01 AM, Anonymous Olivier Mazerolle said…

    Cher confrère,
    je serais heureux de vous faire rencontrer d'autres pointures du journalisme afin d'agrémenter votre collection de photos dédicacées. Je tiens ainsi à votre dispositon Bruno Masure, William Leymergie, Jérôme Bonaldi et Jean-Pierre Descombes.

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  • At 4:04 AM, Anonymous administrateur Blogger.com said…

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  • At 4:09 AM, Anonymous William Leymergie said…

    Qui est Jean-Pierre Descombes ?

     
  • At 4:13 AM, Anonymous Olivier Mazerolle said…

    Jean-Pierre Descombes était la voix off du Juste Prix.
    Cliquez sur ce lien pour mieux comprendre l'étendue de son talent :

    http://ppmike.free.fr/prix/descombes.jpg

     
  • At 4:23 AM, Anonymous Guy Lux said…

    Je suis également prêt à laisser mon autographe...

    A Laurent, qui a bien fait avancer le schmilblick.

    Amicalement.

    Guy

     
  • At 4:28 AM, Anonymous Marc said…

    "Meure l'Europe"?
    je suis d'accord avec Jean-Mi, l'Histoire montre que l'argument historique est largement erroné!
    Et même s'il était vrai, ce serait une des meilleurs raisons de voter non: lorsqu'un système politique ne suppporte pas la voix des citoyens, il est temps d'arrêter la machine

     
  • At 6:22 AM, Anonymous Sandrine said…

    Jack, on s'est déjà vus en privé après le départ de Laurent. A quoi joues-tu ?

     
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